Monday, May 17, 2010

This is hard for me to admit

I didn’t volunteer much here. I had every intention of responding to a community identified need and filling a gap but I just . . .didn’t. I expressed my willingness to several projects, but I did very little follow up. Because I didn’t really want to do anything. This is a pattern I have seen in myself at home where I also hate to volunteer. It is hard to admit, but it is the awful truth. I will undertake good work for low pay and give it my all, but I have a consistent aversion to volunteer work.

It isn’t just that I am selfish although that is the main reason; it’s that I over think it and bring myself to the point of paralysis. There is a lot of truth in the old no-good-deed-goes-unpunished adage. Having spent my working life in the non-profit sector, I am hyper aware of the crimes of good intention committed by volunteers eager to visit their expertise on the unsuspecting populace.

So I thought I was going to be able to work through this here, but it will just be one more thing for the list of what I thought I was going to do but I didn't.

But why do I feel so guilty? I wouldn't feel guilty about spending the year in Provence or Italy and not having a 20 hour a week volunteer job.

No comments:

Post a Comment